you are not a bad mom

Every mom feels a little like they are failing their kids. There is also a lot of mixed judgment and competition out there about what makes a good mom vs bad mom... so while I have a lot to learn about being a parent, these are some of my personal beliefs... 

You are NOT a bad mom if... 

You vaccinate or don't vaccinate your kids 

            There is a lot of mixed research out there and it's a personal decision that every mom has to make   on their own. Whatever they decide, it's wise to assume that they did it BECAUSE they love their                  kids. 

You occasionally let your kids eat junk food (ie Mcdonalds, cheetos, spaghetti os, etc) 

            As long as you make an effort to give your children a healthy balanced diet loaded with lean protein,  and fruit and vegetables it's probably OK if you occasionally let them have something "iffy". 

 You spank or don't spank your kids 

            Every parent has to discipline their kids how they see fit. As long as it doesn't cross into abuse or       lack of discipline (which can be equally detrimental) than it's probably fine. 

You occasionally yell at your kids. 

          You spend all day every day with your children and as long as you typically enjoy them and try to      communicate with them with patience, it's completely understandable that once in a while you might                loose your patience. 

Your kids watch morning or evening cartoons/movies. 

         Take some time out of each day to turn everything (except maybe music) off and let them be creative.            Also, take some time out of each day to read to them... stimulate those little minds. That being said,              don't feel guilty of a little out of each day is spent on their favorite show. It happens. 

You don't or do do extra curricular activities 

          These days people keep their kids busy. Sports, clubs, lessons, school, play dates, etc. If you can      give your kids some amazing extra curriculars that they love... than GREAT, as long as you don't                   "over-work" them and stress them out. If you can't... don't worry. They will be OK. There is no                     where in the Bible that says "Thou shalt play sports and do girl scouts". It's OK. It's just as beneficial              to read together and visit some friends. 

You homeschool or you public school 

           Every kid is different. Every family is different. As long as you take some time to be as involved as    you can and get to know their teacher/other kids in the class than you are doing fine. On the other                   side... as long as you give your kids time to be kids and enjoy other kids their age than                                   homeschooling is wonderful too. Neither option is for everybody and God calls us to do both.

You are structured or unstructured
             Remember when you see that mom who says "I can't come over because my child has to go down  exactly at 2pm for nap"... don't judge them. Some kids REALLY ARE that way. Some Moms also               just need that to keep their sanity. 

  On the other side, if you see a friend that seems to be flying by the seat of their pants... it's quite                     possible that they have kids that can handle that, and that it works for their family. Maybe a                          schedule stresses their whole family out and makes everyone miserable. 

If your kids can read by the time their 3 or if they are right on par with public school system
           Not everyone has a "teacher's personality". If these people don't have anyone to help them than they  feel really overwhelmed and lost. Judging them or their kids just makes it worse. 

  On the other hand... some people are natural teachers and tend to assume that it comes natural to                  everyone. Don't judge these gals... they are not trying to "outdo" you by having their kids reading                   before school. They just enjoy teaching. 

If you brag about your kids or "trash-talk" your kids 

            Every mom has days of both. Bragging about your kids can come off as just as rude or                       condescending as spewing negativity can come off bitter and ungrateful. We all have moments of                    pride/insecurity and we all have moments of frustration. Just smile and nod. :) 

If you spend all year planning your kids birthday parties or if throw something together at the last minute (ie homemade boxed cake and grandparents) 

            Birthdays are fun but they are not that important. Each family celebrates differently and your kids will   adapt to your personal style. Cake and Presents don't define love.

If you keep a clean house or if you are a little disheveled
            The world doesn't hinge on the cleanliness of your house but you should really try to keep it safe and   health-hazard free. 

Now comes the part I hate... there are a few things that should make you "re-think" your parenting.


If you never consider what you feed your kids. 

                 If you are giving your 10 mo old soda.... please take a moment and think about what that could      do to their tiny bodies. 

If you never spend quality time with your kids. 

                  I bet they miss you. 

If you do drugs around your kids 

                   Need I explain this? 

If you don't teach your kids morals/values. 

                Trust me... you don't want the "world" to do this for you. They won't do a good job. 

If you don't take responsibility for your kids. 

              Set an example. 

If you are lazy. 

              I'm not talking about the "little things" or "weak moments". We're all human. I'm talking about             require your spouse to do all the work in the household or allowing your kids to be unfed or                          unbathed so you can surf the internet or hang out with friends. Their well being is important. 

If you verbally or physically abuse your kids. 

              Hurting them doesn't teach them anything except anger. 

First day of school

I have been riding a high all week in anticipation for Gideon's first day of school. I remember kindergarten so fondly, for myself, that I couldn't wait for him to have that experience. 

All week I have been chattering on at him about it. It's was fun seeing him light up like a firefly talking about it. At one point I sat down with him seriously and said
"Gideon, are you going to be good and listen to your teacher in school?"
He furrowed his brows, rolled his eyes and said "Mom... You know.", to which I replied "I do?"
He sighed, and said "Of course I'm going to be good for my teacher!" 

This earned him a hug, and a kiss while I quietly pondered  We'll see... 

Don't get me wrong... he's an amazing kid! He's just a rough and tumble little boy with lots of energy.
You know... normal.... 

The night before, I set out his clothes neatly and propped his backpack up against the end of his bed. I stood and stared for awhile trying to process the implications of his sudden leap from a sweet infant nursing himself to sleep in my arms to suddenly stepping out in independence and going to school.

In the morning I got us all ready and fed, ran an errand, and showed up in his school parking lot over 30 min early! I considered waiting in the parking lot but after images of my children bounding around in my mini van like a pin ball  machine fixated themselves on my brain, I decided that I would take a little drive and come back.

The second time around, we marched hand in hand into his school. He hung up his backpack under a little blue star with his name on it, and sat in his chair. I hugged him goodbye telling him to be good  and that he would be riding the bus home. He wrapped his arms around my neck, kissed my cheek and said "Mommy, I love you so much!"

As I walked away and checked with 3 different people that he would safely end up on the correct bus, I dragged  my feet into the parking lot; my heart pounding,  half dazed climbed into my van and listened to grandma tell how Gabby screamed "bloody-murder" the whole time I was in the school because she feels left out.

As I sit in my deathly quiet house I am both incredibly joyous for this new chapter in our lives and scared witless. I am no longer my sons "whole world". I am a large part of a much larger world that will often exclude me, and that's OK. It will just  take this momma some time to get used to.