There are moments of shame in mommyhood. It's inevitable that in this 24/7, all consuming job, you will have moments of regret. I am going to embrace transparancy and share one of mine with you.
This morning, Gideon burst out of bed at o-dark-30 and I had a freshly poured cup of coffee sitting on the floor next to my seat.
He grumped over to me and threw himself onto the couch, almost dumping over said cup of coffee. So I sternly warned him.
"Gideon watch out"
and before I got a chance to move it he, in a fuss, about not wanting to eat breakfast, knocked it over.
This is where I forsook patience and proper judgment and LOST IT. Screeching
"GIDEON?! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"
Now... those of you who do not know my son, he does NOT handle yelling well. He would rather be spanked than yelled at. SO, his little eyes welled up with tears as he said
"Mommy I'm sorry!!!!!" and ran to his daddy for comfort.
I took a deep breath and when I went to hug him he said
"mommy I'm sorry, PLEASE don't yell at me anymore... please"
UGH!!! How does your heart take that?! I, trying not to fall apart looked him the eye and said
"I only yell when you choose not to listen to mommy. If you don't want mommy to yell, anymore, just make sure you listen." but inside I felt like a SCUM BAG.
Words are EVERYTHING to a little one.
It's good yelling upsets him, it means you don't do it enough to have desensitized him :)
ReplyDeleteSo while you are thinking of it as a mommy fail, I think its actually a mommy win!