Saturday, November 30, 2013

Love Languages

I have come to believe that the better part of understanding my children is understanding how they give/accept love.

The 5 primary love languages are: Touch (physical affection), Acts of Service (doing things to show your love), Words of affirmation (telling others how you feel), Quality Time (spending time together to express love), Gifts (buying presents or spending money to express affection)


Gideon is a simple child. His 'love tank" is easily filled by very specific things and he knows how to ask for exactly what he wants. His love languages are: 

1.  Quality Time (primary) 
  Not all time spent together is created equal. For it to fill his tank it has to be me taking time  out of my day to participate in his interests or hobbies. ie: playing games with him , playing  with his toys, or drawing with him.

2. Words of Affirmation (both expressing and receiving love)
When I tell Gideon how much I love him or how great he is, I can see his chest puff out, his  eyes light up, and an overall spring to his step. He also takes time out each day to tell me   how wonderful/beautiful I am.  Especially in the moments he feels particularly loved by me.
 On the same note. I have to be careful, because he can easily be broken down by my words.  It doesn't take much for him to feel unappreciated or unloved by basic criticisms. 
                  
3. Touch (expression of love only) 
I am a strongly touch oriented love language so he has learned to express love to other by  touch. It's been so strongly ingrained in him that sometimes he gets confused when he has tried  to hug his friends at school and it isn't received with love or gratitude. 

Gabby is a very strong personality and if she isn't receiving what she needs from those around her everyone will know about it. It takes a little more to fill  her "tank".  Her love languages are:

1: Touch (very strong primary)
  This girl can not get enough hugs and snuggles. This is in fact wonderful. She gives the worlds best hugs and I can't get enough of her cuddling, until she doesn't feel  like she's getting the love/attention she needs and she demands it by climbing on you like a    jungle  gym. OR she won't sleep until I snuggle with her for a long time in her bed because    she is   feeling  insecure at that moment. She is very predictable, and easy to please.... but it  an by   immobilizing at times. 

2. Quality time (receiving love) 
 It is convenient that I can spend time with both of them and they both get something out of it. If I sit down and draw, do a craft, bake cookies, or play with both of them than (other than competing with one another) they both feel loved and fulfilled. 
The problem only arises that with such a strong touch love language and a secondary in  quality time, Gabby can be quite demanding. If I am focusing my attention/quality time  elsewhere... she take it personally and will do everything in her power to be included.  Whether it be climbing on me, joining into the conversation, or getting herself in trouble to  make me look at her. 
3. Acts of Service (minor one)
  If the first two fail because I'm very preoccupied (cleaning the house, talking on the phone, etc) than she will begin asking for me to do things for her... like making her a snack when I  know she isn't hungry or doing something  for  her that she does on her own on a daily basis.



 My love languages and John's love languages are exactly the same... which has really helped our marriage over the years.

1) Touch
2) Acts of Service
3) Quality Time

^In that order


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