Resolutions

I hate new years resolutions. I mostly hate them because very few people actually accomplish them, and then they are depressed come the end of the year. Besides, who wants to start the year off thinking about all the things you don't like about yourself/life and end the year being twice as depressed about those same things.
BUT there also no harm in setting goals for oneself, as long as we all, also take some time to just be grateful for... everything.

This year, while my gratitude for a splendiforously blessed life is quite overwhelming, I do plan to "bite the bullet" and make a few new years resolutions.

One: Improve my son's reading skills. He can "sound things out" and figure out very basic words, such as "Mom", "Dad", "Big" etc. I would like him at the point where he can string together basic sentences.
Two: Expand my business so that it is entirely self sustaining, licensed, and working toward profitable, at least.
Three: Become versed enough in my hammered dulcimer to play Christmas songs, next Christmas.
Four: Learn More Sign Language, and teach it to my kids.

All of these things are going to take a lot of work, but I'm hoping that, with God's blessing, I can manage them throughout the year. :) 

Love like we're meant to

• A friend makes and effort to always avoid hurting your feelings.
• A friend rejoices in your successes and blessings with pure joy. 
• A friend does not compete with you or lord over you their own successes.
• A friend does not ever think of themselves as "better than you".
• A friend treats people you care about with love and respect. 
• A friend puts your relationship before their personal feelings and is always ready to give.
• A friend will forgive the "little stuff" and use gentle words to discuss the "big stuff"
• A friend relishes in the joyful/funny/fun memories you share but has amnesia when regarding your conflicts.
• A friend will always encourage you to do the right thing.
• A friend will ways be honest with you. 
• A friend always understands because they are naturally empathetic. 

(all instances of "friend" can be replaced with "spouse", as well) 

Let's make it a new year's resolution to love like we are meant to. :) 

1 Corinthians 13:4-12

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes,what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Siblings

We all know the conversation... 

You're standing in a supermarket/restaurant/etc and a stranger, upon looking at your little ones says

"Wow. You must stay busy!" 

(my friends who have 4 or more children, please try not to laugh too hard) 

Upon a further conversation with a waitress, who made said comment, last night; the realization that she assumed that having siblings close in age must be absurdly difficult. 

I assumed this when I didn't have children, as well. 

Let me, first, in the spirit of full disclosure, state that my son isn't prone to jealousy. It doesn't seem to be a sin he battles with. It's somewhat surprising since he likes to control his environment so I expected him to find a demanding baby in our home to be a violation of his comfort zone. Instead, he rose to the challenge and treated Gabby like his little project. 

He still enjoys teaching and helping her. 

I, then, must clear something up (for those who may not already know). While, Siblings do fight, it's part of how they learn conflict resolution, they are a major support system for each other. They enjoy each other. 

My kids love to read books together, and play games. They sing and dance together and when they are forced into separation (ie awanas), they miss each other the entire time their apart.   

I actually believe it would be more difficult to have one child as apposed to two, because, as they get older, and want/need companions to play with, it's much easier to have a sibling or two to spend their days with. 

Moral of the story. Next time you see a mom sporting a couple kids that look very close in age, don't tell her that you assume her life must suck, because it doesn't. 

It's great! 

A second is too long

I don't intend to "over-dramatize" the situation but I had a fairly scary moment, yesterday. 

I was checking out at an end register at Walmart. My son was standing next to a beverage refrigerator. I looked down at him, to make sure he was close, then I went to scan my debit card to purchase my items. I, then, looked back down toward him only to see empty space where he should have been standing. 

I began searching for him, casually at first, scanning the area, and then, a little more concerned, I proceeded to call for him 

"Gideon? Gideon, where are you?!" 

He didn't answer. 

The concerned cashiers began searching with me and calling for him. 

He still didn't answer.

My heart began to pound. "worst case scenarios" flashed through my head like projector slides. After the eye-opening, heart wrenching recent loss of so many little lives to a monster, I think every mother feels a little "raw". I personally feel like I have been living in a bubble that just "popped". 

Eventually, I found him sitting in the entrance of the store. He stated that he decided to wait for me on the bench. 

This was one of those moments, in which, my first instinct is to loose my temper right there in the middle of the store, with mass amounts of onlookers, but knowing it would not help, I took a deep breath and firmly, but very controlled, reprimanded him. 

On the way out to the van, with Gabby sitting on my hip, and Gideon holding tightly to my hand, I lost it. Tears began streaming down my cheeks. When Gideon asked me what was wrong, I told him how scared I was and that I couldn't bare to loose him. 

Upon seeing me succumb to so much emotion, he professed a lifelong promise to never leave my side. The passion he holds to this promise, will likely fade, maybe even by the next shopping trip, but Mommy won't soon forget that second in which she worried whole-heatedly for the safety of her baby boy.

Electronic communication

Has anyone else noticed the break down in socialization and basic social skills, as a result? 

I am not awarding myself any credit for, even remotely, breaking this standard. Most of my communication is via some sort of electronic screen. 

On the one hand, I count it a blessing that I can stay in constant contact with friends and family that, ordinarily, I would be separated from, due to distance and./or  "schedules".  It is so nice to be able to know how people I care about, but aren't able to see, are doing. I am able to see pictures of their family, hear stories about their adventures and antics, leave posts of encouragement and such on their "page", and even pray for them when they are having a bad day. 

On the other hand, I've found that the deeper I delve into strictly electronic communication (facebook, texting, etc) the more awkward it is to socialize in person. For example:

Have you ever had this moment? 

You have a "facebook friend" (ie someone you typically only speak to on facebook) that you meet up with in person. Now, in the context of facebook, it's easy to talk for "days" about family, life, and even deep personal issues, but with them now sitting across from you, drinking coffee, or what-have-you.... you find you have nothing to say to them. It's somewhat like talking to a stranger even though, previously, you have have, without thinking, referenced them as your friend?

Maybe yes, maybe no, but I have definitely been in this situation. 

It is, undoubtedly, a difficult cycle to break. Once you convert the convenience of electronic communication, anything else seems so cumbersome. 

Why call when you can text? 

Why text when you can facebook? 

I suppose, on one level, it eliminates the fear of rejection. I often ponder if my acquaintances enjoy my company or, instead, tolerate me due to forced interaction. I'm not throwing my self a one-man-band pity party. I am just not always sure. I have a tendency to want to "cut the crap" and get to the root of a person and most people, likely including myself, find it more comfortable to keep a safe distance. I, therefore, can't always tell if they consider me a friend or not. 

The state of not knowing where someone stands, leaves me pondering the following dilemma:

Do I continue to assume the best and force my friendship on people? or

Do I wait for them to initiate contact/friendship, so that I can "read" whether or not they take me seriously as a friend? 

I seem to always make the wrong choice. 

I, often, will "push the issue" with people who have no true desire to become close friends with me.  OR

I stay aloof when they are really hoping that I will try harder and become their friend. 

FAIL!!!            

All this results in a feeling of safety and comfort reverberating from my electronic devices. 

This is BAD. 

It's not the same to "like" someone's comment as it is to enjoy a laugh over something silly.. 

It's not the same to comment "I'm praying for you" on their facebook status as it is to embrace them.

It's not the same to write a blog about how you're feeling as it is to truly commiserate with someone. 

I want to learn to break the cycle, but I must first consider, with whom? and how? 

We tried hosting a Bible study at our home, and with the exception of two of our AMAZING friends we did not have any attendees.   

I am at a loss. 

Lord, let us always have open hearts for everyone. Allow us to discern good friendships and always be good friends.

amen. 

Inferno

In a world without light

I hold my candle in the wind 

flickering and sputtering for life

Against the threatening storm

I hear an earsplitting screech of desperation

Scanning the darkness for the source

Only to realize it came from deep within 

Reverberating through my bones

and harmonized by distant breaking hearts

A single tear slips through the clouds

falling unnoticed

Onto a gray, barren land. 

 Groping and desperate 

I hold my candle to the heavens

a small prayer 

a faltering home 

 Let the faint Candle 

become an INFERNO 

 

Faith or Wisdom?

This is a very controversial topic with very firm opinions on either side. I'm one of the few "neutrals" on this topic, but being a neutral makes it difficult for me to decide exactly how I feel on the matter. 

The topic? 

Homeschooling!!!

This is becoming more of a subject in my mind recently, for two reasons. One is that I have been really enjoying teaching my son, recently. I am doing preschool at home, and it's been great seeing him learn. 

The second reason is that I see where the world is headed, particularly with the recent elementary school shooting and I want to keep my children safe from it, and prepare my children for it. 

There are two schools of thought on this topic and my husband and I have opposite ones. Mine is that I need to keep my kids safe and nurtured at home ("Start children in the way they should go and they won't turn from it"). John has more of a "In the world but not of the world" approach. He believes that "sheltering" them is delaying the inevitable and will make it harder for them to acclimate when they do have to be a part of society. When I present my concerns for their safety he always tells me the same thing; he says that bad things can happen anywhere, and the only thing we can do is give our kids the skills they need and have faith that God will take care of them. 

So the question sort of boils down to faith or wisdom. Do I have faith that God will take care of my kids or chalk that up to being "unwise" and keep them home? 

Making any decision out of fear is not biblical, so I'm kind of at odds with myself. 

Admittedly, we were planning on doing a small charter school, as a compromise, which is likely safer, but in the wold we're in, I'm not sure if it feels safer.   

Is anyone else faced with this dilemma? (keep the language nice and peace-loving)  

You know you're a mom when... (continued)

1. You base most of your hairstyles on it's ability to hide the fact that you didn't shower. 

2. You have cleaned up 3 AM vomit off of sheets and pillow cases. 

3. You are remarkably talented at finding shoes, coats, etc... but somehow completely inept at changing batteries and/or repairing particularly obnoxious toys (hehe). 

4. You have discussed poop with strangers. 

5. You've taken off (at least part of) your bra in public. 

6. You can play with/wrestle with a toddler with one hand, and write a menu plan with the other. 

7. You've made silly faces in public without much regard to those watching. 

8. You've cheated at Candyland... to make yourself loose. 

9. You use bribery as an instructional technique in your everyday life. (ie "If you clean your room well, we'll play candyland") 

10. You can't wait to leave the house, alone, and then when you do, you can't wait to come home to get hugs. 

11. You have ever referred to a shower as your "me time" or "quiet time". 

12. You have ever said a prayer of thanks for nap time. 

13. You wear a "one-piece" to hide your stomach. 

14. Your stomach looks like an animal attacked it. 

15. You've picked someone's nose. 

16. You're favorite way to spend the day involves coloring pages, paint, or other fun kid crafts. 

17. You listen to music strictly based on what's acceptable to "mold little minds". 

18. You have a designated "corner" in your house (you know what I'm talking about). 

19. You are immersed in love. 

20. You have cut someone's hair without even remote qualifications to do so. 

21. You have forgotten to eat.
22. You don't ever ever get sick days.

23. You've gotten up in the middle of the night, and not remembered it. 

24. A regular staple in your fridge is cheese sticks. 

25. You've found crayons in unimaginable locations. 

26. You've called your husband "daddy" without ANY even remote naughty implications. 

27. You have a "mom look/voice" 

28. You spend a lot of time tickling other. 

29. You kiss owies. 

30. You speak "babble". 

Christmas Season

Christmas is a confusing time of year. You shop the store or walk the streets and you are bombarded with very differing approaches and attitudes toward the season. 

There is that smiling face, who wishes you a Merry Christmas while holding the door open for you, and there is that person who grumpily pushes their cart past you in the aisle, grumbling under their breath about "this time of year". 

I was standing in line at the post office to mail some packages. Even though it was an absurdly long line, everyone was fairly jovial. They were chatting and letting others go before them, but in the quiet boredom of waiting, I eavesdropped on a conversation in front of me. 

An older woman was standing at counter and when the clerk had finished with her package she said 

"Are we done?" 

The clerk smiled and said "Yes, ma'am, unless I can get a smile out of you." 

She turned her head away from him and said "No. I have nothing to smile about." 

The clerk frowned, in concern, and said all that he could "well I hope you have a blessed Christmas." 

Standing there, I prayed for her, and I got to thinking about those who are suffering. 

While I am wrapping that extra present, singing along to "jingle bells" playing on the radio, and reading the story (again) of Jesus's birth to my kiddos in our warm comfortable home. I think of those who don't have to be "needy" to be hurting this year. 

Maybe they lost someone they love. Maybe they just don't have anyone to spend Christmas with... Whatever the case may be. Always always always always give to the needy, but we also need to pray that we never miss an opportunity to just encourage and love one another, so no one has to feel alone. 

The Personal Perception Conundrum

I weigh more than I did last Christmas but less than I did  before I got pregnant with Gabby. I still feel self conscious about the weight difference between this Christmas and last. 

This has, naturally, spurred all sorts of dieting, exercise and general thoughts/actions of self-loathing. I am not a shallow person, but I do have a fragile self esteem. (like most the women in the world) 

The ironic part of this is that my husband is more attracted to me now, than a year ago. Don't get me wrong... he is a smart man. He'd never comment on my weight one way or another, but it's all about the little things that only a wife would notice. 

So, why is that I feel that I need to loose weight? 

That is the question, isn't it?! 

This is the inevitable conundrum. Do I put faith in my husband's perception and not work so hard to fight my body, but instead enjoy his adoration for me? 

OR do I continue in my quest until I reach about where I can become on good terms with my mirror?  

Why I am a Christian

 "Christian:

exhibiting a spirit proper to a follower of Jesus Christ; Christlike:"

Who is Jesus? Most of us know, but to somewhat over simplify and summarize his life and teachings. 

Jesus was born in a barn, literally. 

By the time he was 12 years old he was "educating" the wise men of the time. 

He then spent the rest of his life traveling, healing the sick, and providing  general care and servitude to everyone he came across. 

He taught the vitality of love without judgement and servitude to our fellow man. 

He, then, was brutally murdered by those he was trying to help. 

He rose again in 3 days time and promised everyone the Holy Spirit. 

The Holy Spirit being our soul's companion and advocate.  A piece of God's love, to stay within our hearts so that we never have to be alone. 

Who wouldn't want to be like him? 

Who wouldn't want to be an embodiment of love, compassion, and wisdom? 

There are those who argue "Well, Christian's are so judgmental! Why would I want to be like them?!" 

Christians are humans. They are supposed to be representatives, but failure happens to all of us. 

 "Christian" doesn't mean "people -like" it means "Christ-like".

One can't make the assumption that all parents are bad, because of those that are, and therefore one can't make the assumption that all Christians are not trying to be like Christ, because of those who misunderstand and/or exhibit human flaws. 

...and... despite some misguided confusion... salvation is not based on how "good" you are. It's simply based on believing in Jesus, asking forgiveness, and loving others the best you can. 

Another piece of misguided confusion is that Christians are out to "convert" everyone.

 We just want you to know Jesus. 

Why?

Why not? 

Salvation. Love. Peace. Wisdom. Generosity. Purification. FORGIVENESS.....

Down side???? 

NONE!

We don't share our faith to tell you that you're not good enough. We share because we love you and want to share with you something that has changed our lives! 

Admittedly, some Christians can get a little... let's say... emphatic about representing their beliefs to others, but at the root of it, their hearts are probably in the right place.

Frankly... some non-Christians can be emphatic about their thoughts and believes, as well... but I digress... 

Why am I a Christian? 

Because I want to be like Jesus! 

I have a long way to go, but that's the point of forgiveness. :) 

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mind set as Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:5